An eternal starway

As I open a door and walk to a stair, I find myself leading to the sunset. Every step I make heads me to an infined end. My sight starts fading, so as my memories of you.

Finally the eternal night came. It feels warm and cozy here, in a scary way. Though I feel safe, I know that I am not. This stair feels like it's going to break anytime. Only a step can break what I've been building all these years.

I've been trying to reach the top for a very long time, though I don't know for how long. I said years, because it really looks like it's been a very long time. I don't see the days turning into nights anymore.

It's so dark in here...

I am impressed about the reasons that stop me from quitting and jumping into the nowhere. Maybe I'm afraid of death. Or maybe I'm curious about what's on the end of this stairway.

Why don't you leave my thoughts. Why don't you disappear from my mind, like the bracelet that fell into that fucking stupid nowhere and never came back.

Even though you have no life, or value anymore, like the bracelet, you still come to my mind when I think of anything that I've ever done. You were always there, you always mattered. Though I didn't. I always thought of you, I always worried about you. But you didn't. I have always needed to know how you were, what you felt, what needed. You haven't.

The frustration, this feeling that I created, not only from your words, but from what I say in your eyes. The wrong interpretation that I made of your actions transformed me and destroyed me at the same time. Maybe I wasn't made for you. Maybe you weren't made for me.

"I quit", those were the words. Though I haven't. I can't quit from something that I still haven't understand. Because I'm not a quitter. Maybe a liar, but not a quitter.

I can't go any further than this. Maybe I'll stay here thinking of this episode. Maybe I'll sit on this step. Maybe I'll lay down and sleep a little. Because I can't end this stairway. I never will, because I'm attached to it

Every step I make has your name on it.

I am awaiting for a reason.